Hi, It takes a bit to think about what I will write. Now so many are reading this & thankfully are in touch with me. Writing this as I have written over 200 journals over the past 40 years... Only have 6 now,but the memories are still in my head! There are people from my life,who read this now,Doctors,Therapist's,Dentists,and friends & family. It is easier for me to write this"Letter" from home,so I don't have to re-explain what has happened over the past many years. The past 3 were rough,being homeless,because others didn't want to continue keeping a home,as we had for 40 years. It became a struggle for me to keep my sanity,and humanness... I had to let go of so many over the years,because of selfish controlling People,that were once decent yet took the "easy"-sleaze way of life. They blame their mis-fortune on me & others,rather then taking responsibility,for Their words,deeds and actions. The sad part,is the children who were involved,that I helped to raise,teach,love,guide,even with severe depression,PTSD,etc.Are the victims in this,and there is a wall as long as the great wall of China,keeping me away,because it is safer that way for all... I am thankful to be able to spend time with my Grand kids,who missed a lot of my time,while I was in other parts of the country.
In my old school days,there were no 800--help me lines to call. you shut up & kept living.You had to pretend to be a happy kid,no matter what was going on. people didn't want to talk about problems,ranging from peoples mental illness,sickness like Cancer(my Grandma died of it back in 1967),they wrote on her Death certificate,she died of "natural causes"". That was bull-crap,her body was wiped out by uterine cancer,yet the last year she lived,we became friends & we laughed a lot.
Point is,it was a world for me,that you asked questions yet many times were not giving an answer,or the wrong ones,sometimes. I was lucky to have a Grandpa,who tried hard to teach me good things take me to fun places,like Yankee Stadium,with my brothers J&J!!,and make amends for his early life(which I only learned a couple of years ago,from someone I love...)
My Mom,had a lot of problems,yet she was a kind & creative soul,when she later became addicted to Dexedrine 15 mg(Smith-Kline& French) She could buy them over the counter,later they passed laws,you had to have a prescription. My other Brothers & sister,paid a heavy price. We were separated for years... I have a brother Mark,that I never found out what happened to him. I am the oldest,and have always loved my little brothers,and later my sister who is a Minister.We had a rough start,yet I'm thankful we all made it(except our brother Jeffrey,who passed back when he was only 18.) I still have the Crucifix That my brother Joey gave me,from the coffin. A day never went by that I didn't say a prayer for all of them,and myself...
I have lived as a Jew,converted to Catholic,follow Buddhist and Hindu ways. Practicing healing good majick,for protection to help others & this world.Always trying to help others in whatever way I can. I'm a survivor of many tragic things,yet keeping my humor & humanity,integrity and dignity. School hopefully in spring,for mixed-media,to help me be a better writer & person!!!!
So if Didn't finish that review or get back to ya,know I had to take care of myself,it's a blessing having my daughter Jasmine & the rest of our family,being there & having their love and support. Slowly others from my past,have been found like long-lost happy treasure.! Thanks for being there to give me sound advice & reality checks,when needed,and for your support for me as a person & writer!!!!!! I'm working on my first e-book of poems & photos,done over years! be well & happy will be back soon!!~~~***** OXOXOXd
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